2002-01-20 - 11:38 a.m.

I had myself a crazy, totally unexpected, "holy shit" moment on Friday. It started quite simply. As I'd finally been paid on Thursday, I was free to go get my hair cut, which I'd wanted to do for about a week and a half. So I jumped on my bike and headed down to Camden to the local barber shop, as one does when they want to get a haircut. It was less than an hour before I was supposed to be at work, and I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to get it done and get to work on time. But then, the last time I was there, there were two barbers and only one customer, so I knew if it turned out that way this time, I'd be set.

No luck there. I walked in and not only were there already customers in each of the two barbers' chairs, there were three waiting to be taken care of afterwards. So, still hoping it wouldn't take *too* long, I stood (they were out of chairs) by the door, waiting. One customer's haircut finished, so a chair was freed and I sat down. Then another finished, then a third. When the third guy finished, I expected the man in front of me to take his place, but he just looked at me and smiled and said I could go first, because the other barber knew what he wanted done, and it was difficult to explain. All right! Excellent, he's saving me a few minutes, I just might get this done in time. I have never, in all my years of going to barber shops, had someone just randomly offer to let me go in front of them. This was very cool.

So I go and sit down, and the barber notices that I'm wearing my MSSM t-shirt, and we discuss the school and her 14-year-old freshman son, who she wants to go to it, and the problems with the public educational system and all that, and it's a generally interesting conversation. And when she finishes, I go and sit in the waiting area chairs and write her a check. Unfortunately, I sat on my jacket and my blue sunglasses were in the breast pocket, so I broke them. ugh.

But, life goes on, and I put them back in my pocket after finding them broken, got on my bike, and started pushing my way up Route 1 towards work. Past the Rite-Aid, past the Reny's and the laundromat, past the People's Heritage Bank and Harbor Audio/Video. I glanced at a car on my right, about to turn onto route 1 from a side street. It was a little blue sedan. Not one I would have recognized or even bothered looking to see who was driving if I hadn't noticed that the driver was waving to me.

I looked at the person inside, blinked, realized I was about to go off the side of the road, realigned myself, looked again, and realized I was right.

It was Heather from the Market Basket. Heather, who, at the end of September, left for Wyoming. I pulled my bike off route 1 and onto the side street while she rolled down her window.

Me: Hi!

Her: Hi.

Me: I thought you were in Wyoming.

Her: I was, for about a month and a half.

Me (doing some mental math and realizing that means she'd been back at least a month and I didn't know about it. ugh): So you're back now?

Her (putting on the most apologetic face I've seen from a person since the day I asked her out in August): Well? yes? but I'm leaving again on Sunday for about four months.

Me: Four months?

Her: Yeah. I won't be back around until about May. But we'll see each other then, right?

Me: Oh, yeah, definitely. But (and I knew I shouldn't bother saying this, because it would just sound desperate and pathetic) hey, if you're not leaving until Sunday, would you maybe want to get together and do something before then?

Her: I'm sorry, I really can't. I'm working a lot until then, and I have to pack and things until then.

And that, essentially, was the most important bits of the conversation. We talked a bit more after than, but little else of it was important. Then she drove off in one direction, and I got on my bike and headed in another.

And you know, I still haven't figured out totally how to explain what I've been feeling since I met this girl. Ever since the first time we talked (not counting times when she took my order at the deli counter at the store), I've felt a connection there. Like some day, this girl is going to be important in my life. I don't know how, and I don't know if it's going to be a momentary thing, or a long-term thing, but somehow, she's going to have a major, life-altering impact on me. And I guess, part of the reason I want to try so hard to make her my friend is, I don't see us ending up as enemies some day, so if we don't end up as good friends, then I'm afraid the important role she might end up playing in my life is something like "Driver of the car that kills me." And, for both our sakes, I'd rather that not be the case.

Every time I've told this story in the past two days, someone has asked me if I think we'll end up together, if I'm in love with her, etc. And the answer is, no. I really like this girl, and I want to be her friend. I have no other expectations beyond that. I think she could be a great friend someday, and I'm really hoping not to lose that chance.

And I want to know what part she's going to play in my life. Because right now, I'm rather stumped.