2001-08-26 - 1:13 a.m.

Plans for today when I woke up: Go get some lunch, maybe rent a movie, come back, do a lot of cleaning, just relax today.

And so, of course, that's nothing like what actually happened. It's *similar,* except for a few *major* differences.

Get some lunch? Yeah. That was pretty much the only thing that happened exactly as I'd planned. Sure, I rented a movie, actually two, but my choices were altered slightly from the norm. And cleaning did not happen, because the relaxing part was much more important when the time came for it.

Step one, after showering and such, get on my bike and head to the Market Basket to get something for lunch. I wasn't positive I was going to do any more than get something to eat, but I was hoping I would.

So I get there, walk in, and everything is coming together well for me. Heather, the girl who is the reason I've been going there every day, is standing over by the deli area, cleaning or something. I was looking for some stuff for cooking either later today or tomorrow, but I couldn't find what I wanted, partially because they didn't have most of it, and partially because I wasn't thinking straight.

So I head over to the deli area instead, and there's another employee and another customer there with Heather. She takes his order, then directs him over to the main register where another employee waits on me. Then she asks me if I need anything. I ask for a couple of pieces of the grilled chicken they had there today.

She brings it over to the secondary register, the one near the deli, and rings me up. She's wearing a really cute maroon dress under her denim apron. She takes my debit card and slides it through. I'm watching the other employee who is standing there, a tall blonde woman in her late twenties, out of the corner of my eye. She gets a cup of the store's chowder and goes on her break. Suddenly, just as the actual purchasing of my lunch was completed, she asked me if I needed a bag. Unlike yesterday, when I was nervous and stupid and told her I didn't need a bag when I really did, I actually *didn't* need one today, and told her so, because I was going to go sit on the picnic table outside and eat.

So finally, she hands me my receipt, I fold it up and put it in my pocket, and she turns to go back to her job. Finally I just do what I'd been trying to do for a while now. "I have a question…" I say to her, trying to sound as notnervous and notshaky as possible. I took a deep breath, and from the look on her face, she was already figuring out what I was going to say. She was getting this smile on her face, not like her normal smile, but like a smile she was trying to hide because she might not even have been sure what she was smiling about. Finally, I just said it. "D'you wanttogooutsometime?" Never have I said anything so clearly or quickly or smoothly. And when I say "smoothly" I don't mean I was smooth like Frank Sinatra is smooth, I just mean the words all just flowed into each other. I didn't stutter or mumble or any of the other things I do even when having a normal conversation with friends. It just came out, and I felt good about that. Then I felt even better about the smile growing on her face.

"Oh!" She said in that "god, that's so sweet" way that any girl can make, but it takes actually feeling it for the sound to really match the look on her face, and hers did. At the point that she'd only said "Oh!" I was feeling good here. Then she said "That's so flattering!" in that way that made me realise that 1) she was probably telling the truth, since she couldn't stop smiling about it, and 2) she was about to shoot me out of the sky. Because a sentence like "That's so flattering!" can't be followed by anything but a "but…" and I knew that even before the next word came out of her mouth. "But…" she said, just as I'd expected, "I'm dating someone right now… I'm sorry!"

Now, I've heard excuses before from girls who were turning me down. I know what they sound like, when they don't really want to date you, but they don't really want to hurt your feelings, either, so they give you a canned response to try to make up for it, rather than just saying "Um, no, I don't like you." This did not sound like one of those. She actually did sound genuinely sorry about it and seriously like the reason she was turning me down was not out of lack of potential interest, but actually because of the fact that she was dating someone already. I heard a bit of genuine regret and genuine flattery in her voice, and the way she was still smiling instead of that condescending way that many girls get about them.

My friend Chris wrote his version of the speeches that we, the underdog guys have heard oh-so-many times in our lives:

"Listen...I'm really flattered that you asked me out, I am...and <qualifying statement> I'm not lying to you when I say that </qualifying statement>...but I just can't right now. It's not you, its me...I don't want to ruin our friendship...maybe in another time and another place we could've made it work...but not now. We can still <lie> be friends</lie> though, right?"

So, rejected, but not totally beaten, I took my food and headed outside to the picnic tables to eat, her trying to make me feel okay with it because it was really nice of me to ask, etc. etc., and I did actually feel better, mainly because she was smiling about it the whole time. If she acted all sad and sympathetic, I would know she just pitied me. But she didn't. So I felt better and went outside to eat.

I get my food to the picnic table and sit down, only to figure out that, while pre-occupied, I forgot to get something to eat it with. So my choices are, eat the chicken with my bare hands, which would afterward be so greasy they'd slip off the handlebars of my bike, and I would not only have looked like an idiot while eating, but also probably tumble to my death, OR, I can go back into the store immediately after making an ass of myself to the only person in my age group who I know in a 50 mile radius. Realising death is not the way, I went back into the store to grab some of the plasticware they have for people who want to eat out on the picnic table. I walk in, and there she is, talking to the tall blonde woman. The woman turns bright red as I walk in, and as I walk by to get the plasticware, she says "Yayyyy!"

At first, I didn't have any clue why she would be "yay"ing me, when I'd just been turned down. Then I remembered, I got the feeling today this woman had already figured out I wasn't going there everyday just for the food, so she was probably happy I'd finally said something. I grabbed a fork and knife and just kind of smiled and shook my head. She told me "Don't be embarrassed, it's awesome!" I just turned to the two of them, smiled, and said "That may be the case, but trust me. *That* isn't going to keep me from being embarrassed about it." I chuckled, they did, too, I waved and said "I'll see ya later," and headed outside to eat.

And so, needless to say, my plans for the rest of the day weren't *quite* what I expected them to be. Today since then has been spent, thus far, sitting in my room online, talking to people, telling the story over and over and over, and preparing for my return there for lunch on Monday, just like I was as comfortable as if nothing happened.

Should make for an interesting afternoon.