2003-09-23 - 9:45 p.m.

I don’t know any more. I don’t have any fucking clue. Everything is so weird right now and I don’t understand where it’s going, where it’s been, what anyone wants. I don’t understand myself, I don’t understand everyone else. I’m afraid to put pen to paper because of what I may figure out but at the same time I have trouble keeping the ink from soaking in. And all the people who are so important to it have no idea what's going on. So I work and analyze and worry I’m going to destroy myself with it when I’m done and I don’t know who I’m going to take down with me.