2002-01-16 - 12:41 a.m.

Wow, it's been a long time. Over a month now without writing a damned thing in this diary. Kiterlily was actually my inspiration to finally sit down and write something. She signed my guestbook with some very kind words, and it made me finally sit down and say something about what's going on. Unfortunately, I still cannot talk about what was hitting me the hardest over a month ago, but I can tell you that I'm dealing with it much better than I was. I still have a lot to get past, but there's very little I can do about it now. Hopefully I can explain soon.

So anyway, in other news, whatever happens there, this appears like it's going to be a turning point in my life. So many things have changed for me recently, that I know it's never going to be the same. I guess, though, I'm going to just talk about some of the most recent stuff.

First of all, I am finally less one debt. Unfortunately, it's probably my smallest debt, but it's gone, nonetheless. I wrote about this in one of my last entries, but I have finally, officially, paid off my credit card debt from almost a year ago. Late fees and overdraft charges have been building for a year now, but it is finally gone. And now, I've begun saving to invest in the stock market again. And this time, I will come out on top. I have revised strategies, I have gone over my past mistakes, and I will have more money to start with. Along with what I'll have saved, I'm getting an end-of-year bonus of about $800 in February, and I have somewhere between one and five other people who are going to put some money in my care in an attempt to use my skills to make us all money. It's going to be a very high-risk venture for me, but I'm confident I will come out on top.

Now, I hope this stock market thing works out well, because I'm going to need the money soon. Because I FINALLY GOT MY DRIVING INSTRUCTION PERMIT. The state has finally officially given me permission to learn to drive. Meaning making it big in the stock market would be very nice. Because if I do fairly well, it'll pay for driving lessons, and if I do *very* well, it just might pay for a car. Or at least make me stable enough financially that I can get a car loan to buy a car.

And now, the thing I've been dealing with the most lately.

The New Roommate. (Insert thunderclap here)

It happened on January 2nd. I was on my bike, rolling into my driveway after my first day of work of the new year. I noticed, through my living room window, that my television was on. I thought to myself, "Did I leave the TV on? No… I'm sure I didn't leave the TV on… and I'm also sure I didn't leave that guy sitting on my couch watching the TV."

So there I was, about ten PM, coming home after work, and finding Someone sitting on my couch watching TV in my living room. After I turned toward my door I noticed that the other bedroom in my place was open and the light was on, and that's how I knew what was going on. See, the way my place works, my landlord keeps the other room locked until he or I find someone to fill it. So if it was open, then he must have found someone to fill the room. Meaning, without any warning whatsoever, I'd had a new roommate (who I'd later learn was named Joe) bestowed upon me.

Now, I'm not very comfortable with having a roommate normally. I'm very uncomfortable with this guy, and I think you can figure out why for yourself just from some various quotes from conversations with him:

1) Joe: We was standing on the roof of this store pissin' on this cop's head, and he felt it on his hat and looked up and got a face full of it.

2) Joe: I got two *stavin'* scahs on my arms and legs, but this one (points to his cheek) is another story. There was this guy who'd ratted on me, so I fuckin' beat his ass right hard with a billy club. And this cop (he actually told me the cop's name, but I can't remember it now) came up to me and was askin' me about it. He was like "So, Joe, whatcha been up to?" and I was like, "Not much." And he said, "Well I heard you beat [the guy he beat up] pretty good last night." So I was like "I don't know what you're talkin' about." So he says, "Well where were ya last night?" So I come back and said "I was at your house, fuckin' your wife and beatin' your kids ya fuckin' pig!" And he's all pissed off and he grabs me by the head and busts my cheek against the cruiser five 'r six times. I went to jail, but got out because a' that.

3) Joe: You know, Holly (his older, Korean girlfriend with three kids) come over last night at like two in the mornin'.

Me: Yeah, I know.

Joe: Good thing Heather wasn't here, huh?

Me: (hoping my assumptions weren't correct) Who's Heather?

Joe: My other girlfriend, dude. The blond one. It's great, I go to one place I have Chinese (referring to his KOREAN girlfriend, because to him they're apparently the same), go to another I have American, I get myself some chocolate and Mexican I'll have a whole buffet.

4) Joe: I probably won't be around tonight, I'm gonna go up to a party in Belfast if I can get a ride. Gonna go find myself a third girl. Two just isn't enough. You know how that is, right?

Me: Um… no, not really.

Joe: What? Are you one of those *one woman* kinda guys?

Me: Uh, yeah?

Joe: Nah, man, that's no fun! Where's the challenge in that?

5) Joe: (after coming home and seeing the TV on MSNBC's "Crisis Coverage") I think we oughta just bomb 'm all, don't you?

Me: No…

Joe: Why not?

Me: Because *most* people over there didn't do anything.

Joe: Nah, I say nuke'm all, women and children first. Every one that lives is one too many. I was living over in Germany for a bit because that's where Milly (his soon-to-be-ex-wife) is from, and for some reason the place is fulla those fuckin' ragtops. 'nd they all have this attitude about'm, you know? I didn't meet a one I liked.

I could go on with the quotes, but I'm not going to, because either I'd bore the hell out of you, or the negative vibes you'd all send in his direction might aggravate my scoliosis. But one final story, which made me learn just how much one person could really hate the person he lived with, came yesterday. (Though I'm sure tomorrow I'll learn all new reasons to hate him as time goes on.)

I always keep a running inventory in my head of two things, my food, and my money. And both are running out. Fortunately, I just have to make it to Thursday. But for the past two weeks, I've been trying to live on only a week's pay, and I was stretching it to the limit. According to my running tally in my head, I had three dollar bills, five quarters, and a bunch of pennies in a stand thing in my bedroom, and approximately 80 cents left in the bank. Foodwise, I had three boxes of Rice-A-Roni (which you can't possibly cook and eat in the half hour I have at home each day to make and eat for lunch), a box of macaroni and cheese (but no milk, so it wouldn't have tasted very good), a serving worth of spaghetti, and a rather unpleasant-tasting, and not very filling can of Progresso soup. That was at 12:45 PM when I left for work.

I got back for lunch at 3:15, thinking that the two things that I could make and eat in that half hour that would fill me up enough for the majority of the night were the spaghetti or the macaroni, though I didn't want to resort to the macaroni, because I had no milk. So I go to the cupboard and look for the spaghetti. And it's nowhere to be found. I check the garbage and find no box, but I do find a ring along one of my saucepans that looks distinctly like it was once spaghetti sauce. And what do you know? I open my refrigerator, and HALF MY JAR OF SPAGHETTI SAUCE IS GONE, along with the last of the spaghetti. So I think, "That's okay, I can deal with this, he'll probably pay me for it, and besides, I still have some macar—THAT MOTHERFUCKER ATE MY MACARONI, TOO! WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT?!"

That's right. In two and a half hours, he ate the only two things left in my cupboard that I could make in time that would tide me over for the whole night. I had to resort to the nasty can of soup that only kept me semi-full for about two hours. And the kicker? At 3:50, as I'm walking out the door to go back to work, he comes back, arms packed with groceries, and when I mentioned the food he ate he was like, "Oh, yeah, sorry man, I probably shouldn't have eaten all that, but I thought I'd be back before you came home for lunch. If you want any of this sometime, you can, I've got some hamburger, so if you want any hamburger, you can have some."

The most frustrating thing about that comment?

If he'd looked in my freezer, he'd have known hamburger is one of the few things I actually do have.

So anyway, if anyone out there knows anyone in Camden or Rockport, Maine who's looking for a roommate, have them give me a call, huh? Please? Anyone?