2001-08-08 - 2:00 a.m.

Yes, yes, I know. I haven't updated in a really long time. That's not my fault! I couldn't update because I couldn't get online. I've only been online for a total of an hour over the past week, and that was at two libraries where, even if I had written an entry, I couldn't have posted it, because they don't allow outside disks, and the entries I write are too long to be worth it for me to take up my entire internet time typing in a browser that, with my luck, would end up messing up mid-entry and losing the whole damned thing. But now my new cable internet access has been completely set up and I can go online all I want, plus I've moved, so I'm not bussing all the time, so I actually have free time during the day. And now for the entry of the day.

Soup.

I was thinking about soup this weekend. This was not without reason, as I was eating soup at the time. Haddock chowder, to be specific. Or, as the menu put it, "Haddock Chowdah." Aren't those Maine menu writers wicked clevah? Sorry, I'll stop now. Anyway, I was eating it and thinking about Soup. Not just soup, like "yes, I do believe I like soup, and would like it even more if it weren't so wet," but Soup, like as a concept, an idea, a major player in the development of our culture.

Don't look at me like that. It is! Granted, anything that practically everyone in our culture can recognize as a concept just by the name is a major player in the development of our culture in the sense that if by some weird change in the evolution of our society it just never developed, things would be very different now. I mean, think about it. If soup or blue sunglasses or corkscrews had never been invented, we, as a whole, would probably have still prevailed, but something would be different.

The other thing I realised is that if soup hadn't developed centuries ago and become a major player in the menus of basically every culture ever, if somehow it just never showed up in the bowls of the world, but *everything* else that was not soup-related was exactly the same, and everything that was soup-related was slightly altered just enough that it didn't actually affect anything all that much—sure the Soup Nazi would be something probably not as cool sounding, but we'd never know that—then soup would have finally come to light in the past couple of years. And I'll explain why.

Today it seems like all over the place we have marketing *geniuses* who think we, as a society, have too many steps to our day. We can't open *two* jars to make a sandwich, that's *ludicrous!* So instead we now have jars of peanut butter and jelly in one. Pouring a bowl of cereal *then* pouring milk on it is just too much! So now we have cereal bars with some kind of dairy product to give us all of the nutrients we're supposed to get by pouring the milk on it. Open a bag of chips *and* a jar of salsa? *gasp* NEVER! I will get it in ONE package, thank you very much!

So anyway, with this growing trend to take out steps, I'm sure one of these marketing geniuses, while sitting with his trophy wife in a flashy restaurant because they would *never* consider making supper for themselves, would be eating something that was *just a bit* dry, and take a drink, and suddenly he'd realise how much time we, as a whole, would save if all of our food was already in the drink we'd save so much time! All that time spent eating *then* drinking, chewing, salivating would be saved by having the food and the drink in one! Pizza could be sold cut in small pieces and already resting in bowls of Pepsi or Coke, depending on your preference, and eaten with a spoon. Filet mignon could be pre-soaked in little bits resting in a bowl full of white wine. And thus, soup would be invented, however morbidly distorted the actual definition of soup would be. And once again, life would continue, while another stupid marketing idea fell by the wayside that, executed correctly, could have lead to greatness.

But I guess it's a good thing that soup did develop when it did.

"No submarine sandwich for you!" just doesn't flow off the tongue in the same way.